The A Word: Akathisia

I was going to wait before posting another blog so soon. I wanted to brainstorm and research some topics further, but then I saw the video posted at the end of this post and I couldn't help but bring it to light. Before I go on, one more disclaimer: I am not against psychiatric medication, but I am for informed consent. Anyone should be able to make informed choices regarding their own health. Having said that, here I explain a devastating and terrifying feeling.

Akathisia is an all too little talked about reaction to psychiatric medication and a symptom of psychiatric medication withdrawal.

It's very hard for me to write about this. I rarely ever talk about experiencing the symptom while suffering between doses of alprazolam because it's a traumatizing thing. I call akathisia the "A word" because it is that scary, and I didn't even suffer to the extent some others have suffered.

Imagine feeling fidgety at first, suddenly you can't sit still, but it's not just that. It is an unrelenting feeling of wanting to crawl out of your skin. You want to scream. You can't concentrate or sit down long enough to watch over five minutes of a television show. You think about death constantly. You are constantly anxious... You are irritable, agitated with loved ones, exercising often makes it worse because your heart is already beating so fast it feels like you're already running. Sometimes contorting yourself in strange positions gives you temporary relief, but you have to lay completely still. You research these symptoms and find out what it is, but you don't know what to do. Sometimes it goes away, sometimes it doesn't, and there's no telling when this unbearable feeling will end. It is awful. People end their lives because of this disabling effect.

So I had to share this video today when I saw it:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kfW5L5II-jY

The nonprofit mentioned in the video is called MISSD. I will most likely be donating to the organization tonight or tomorrow. How many more people have to die because they weren't warned? How many people have to feel invalidated because the general public or doctors are unaware of this horrifying feeling?

It's just a shame. A damn shame.

Welcome!

For whatever reason, I chose today to start this blog. Maybe it's because I'm finally fed up enough. Maybe it's because there has been much going on in the news about mental illness (gun control debates, the murphy bill, the awful story of David Stojcevski who died in jail, etc.). Or maybe it is because October is dedicated to those who have been injured by psychiatry. Or maybe it's all the #MedicatedandMighty stuff. All I know is this: when a topic or a story has two sides and one side is nearly totally invisible, it's important to bring that side's issues to light.

Before we get started I'd like to add some disclaimers: In no way do I advocate for someone to abruptly (or ever) come off of any medication that should be tapered. I am also not offering medical or legal advice, merely my own (and some other voiceless others') experiences and some studies which do show certain risks of psychiatric medications.  I am not affiliated in any way to Scientology, which many people use as a scapegoat to discredit those who have had bad experiences with psychiatry. I am also a real person, not a troll. I also am not "crazy" or a person who is "non-compliant." I am also not an addict, never abused my medication, and have no history of abusing drugs or alcohol. 


So who am I? I'm a girl who has had some anxiety over the course of her life, who, without meaning to, let it get out of hand to the point of becoming so desperate that I took prescribed alprazolam (generic for Xanax), in the class of drugs known as benzodiazepines, to try and get some sleep after being awake for 48 hours straight. I had taken it before maybe 4 times total in my life and been just fine, so I didn't think I had cause for worry. I also wasn't on it for very long before it caused some very scary symptoms after, under a doctor's care, I was told I could simply half the pills every 3 or 4 days. I was told twice by two separate doctors I would not get "addicted" because I didn't have that "personality" (they were right about that - I didn't get addicted, just dependent). I will delve deeper into my story in a post or two.

For any law nerds out there: I also want to add my own background in the study of law to the mix, perhaps analyzing legislation that restricts the rights and autonomy of people with psychiatric diagnoses (i.e.the Murphy Bill), certain guardianship laws, evidentiary standards (particularly the Daubert standard, etc.) But don't worry, I won't get too law school on you guys.

Please be kind. Please be respectful. Please don't give advice unless it is asked for. Please continue reading.

Love,
A